i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dicks are not precious.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
