maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
