There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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