i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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