So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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