The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
