i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
