Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
