3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
