As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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