Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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