I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
