Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
