Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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