hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
