Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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