she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
