I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
now i know why i became what i already was.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
