You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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