if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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