So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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