I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
