I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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