how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
