well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
