Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
