More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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