god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
More tranny stories later!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
