I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
