OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
