Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
