Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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