Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
