While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need a beard to bite.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
