The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
