I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a beard to bite.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
