Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me