bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.