Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me