she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack