youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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