I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
