Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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