I got chris browned last night
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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