I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
