There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
