we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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