His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
