this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
