Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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