Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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