Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
