What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
