As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
