I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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