My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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