Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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