he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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