Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
