Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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