we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
