u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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