We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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