the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
