Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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