No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
