based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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