i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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